HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

We hope this makes you smile today :]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Fall is here!

Discussion about the next tea topic in Dining=

Eve: Wow, this mac&cheese is so good! Wow! I'm impressed!
CH: I think we should have another tea about the G-Spot.
CL: Well, you just have to poke around a bit and you'll find it.
CH: Yeah, I'm kind of sick of the G-spot...
CL: Yeah, we can talk about something else...sexy...
CH: Communal babies?
Jinny: What?
CH: Like having babies, and shipping them around monthly - sharing babies, when we're like 30 - like sharing a love child.
Eve: You and I should have babies Jinny. They would be so hot.
CL: Yeah, anything mixed with asian is hot shit.
M: Well, you can do that now...have kids with two women. They take the [blah blah]
Jinny: Mmmm Hapa Babies...
CH: Oh! We can talk about oral sex.
CL: Oh! I like that idea!
CH: Yeah, like, I never understood oral, you know? I guess it's like a "to-please" thing...
Eve: mmm Mac&Cheese!
Q: Well, I don't know if it is a "to-please" thing, I love to give my boyfriend...
CH: [standing up with her tray] OKAY! THIS IS WHEN WE STOP!
Eve: That Mac&Cheese was delicious!
Jinny: Indubitably.

Pentheus

In the lecture on The Bacchae, Professor Banerjee compared King Pentheus, the closet Dionysus worshipper, to the Republican Senator from Iowa, Larry Craig, as a closet homosexual, which was truly amazing to hear from an old, sweet, Russian woman.

"As Dionysus seduces Pentheus, the most opposed to the Bacchants, with the curiosity of the Bacchants, we see the psychology of it all at work...ah! Very much like the tapping senator, yes? With his tapping foot? When he requests booty from the cop in the next stall. Yes. For instance, the most opposed to pornography are most interested in pornography, they say. So you see! Dionysus' method of seduction is still working among us..and humanity has not changed very much."

Darjeeling Limited

Last night, Jinny, Ceilidh, and Eve saw Darjeeling Limited



Here is what we thought:

Eve says: Overall, this movie was enjoyable to watch, but it didn't leave me feeling satisfied. I really love movies that have a solid beginning, middle, and end. Unfortunately, more and more indie movies are veering away from that classic story style. This movie, like many other up and coming indie films, appear to exist primarily to give you a snapshot into someone's life. Actually. this one was a little more than that though, because what happened in it wasn't a snapshot in the character's daily lives. What I mean by a snapshot is that there wasn't a clear beginning where you understood what was happening and why, and throughout the movie it was difficult to get particularly attached to the characters, not understanding their backgrounds. In the end, I still didn't know what the conclusion of the journey was. Basically, lots of things happened, and it was hard to get emotionally involved with no knowledge on the lives of the characters. Despite all this, the movie was very enjoyable. The characters and the plot were very comical. I love love love the three main actors: Jason Schwartzman, Owen Wilson, and Adrien Brody! What happens in this movie IS interesting, but it would have been even more interesting to know what happened before the story, and what happens after. Of course I am sure Wes Anderson made it this way for a reason! I recommend this movie for the setting (India), the comical style of the actors (Wilson, Schwartzman, and Brody), and the hip music! :)

Jinny says: I thought it was a beautiful film. I loved all the camera angles and Wes Andersons' curt humour. I have been reading a lot about how the plot synopsis is empty, but I thought it was enough - maybe it is just the Miranda July fan in me, but I love when stories or films start at a seemingly random place, give no real explanation for the past and coming events; then, make the viewer put the puzzle together. This film is about these trio of brothers, who have a constrained relationship, all three at different points of their [love] lives - hoping to find something, or each other, in an adventure through India. The dichotomy between the Indian surroundings and the three Western men, I thought, was truly beautiful, and elegantly done. Clues to their lives and the dynamics of their relationships are gently given away in the course of the movie. I forgot to mention that it is funny. The awkward or 'what the hell?' The Office kind of funny. And finally, the soundtrack is amazing: traditional Indian music, Clair de lune, the Kinks, the Rolling Stones.

MacAweenie



READ! [but careful not to climax!]

Bof Fri Fleu

There was a sign on the PVTA that gave instructions about checking signs for stroke. We thought 'bof fri flue' was pretty hilarious as an example of speech that "[sounded] strange".

-Eve! That man, he doesn't look well...Is he having a stroke?
-Excuse me sir, can you say 'bof fri flue'?
-AALKSAMALKSnaoiQMKNQWLnklsa
-Don't worry about it Jinny, he is A-OKAY!

PVTA AT NIGHT











Events During Halloween Week [that we know of]

Halloween Smith College Ghost tour, Sessions' secret passageway hunt, Haunted House at Amherst?, Hampshire Halloween, Northampton Film Festival, Northampton random party, Green Street Fall Festival, World Premiere of Flipside, Kings/Scales Halloween party, Wilson's Annual Haunted House, Global Warming is Scary Haunted House, Rocky Horror showing, Tyler House Trick-or-treating + costume competition, The Darjeeling Limited at Pleasant Theater, Smith VS Bentley [rugby], SIKOS Novemberween, Immortality Party, Fall Swing Dance Friday

The Story of the Pioneer Valley Transit Authority (PVTA)

This is Ceilidh. We love her.



Ceilidh and Jinny felt RAPED after their French midterm, so they decided to waste away on the PVTA -



Then, it became a great adventure...













(I don't care how good Bart's ice cream may be, their cow statue is fucking scary)











Amherst's Mount Olympus would be Antonio's PIZZA:





Home, The Very Virile Viking, and Skittles





Happiness is...



Ceilidh and Jinny were fat and happy once more. The end.

Knock'n at your door

GUMMY BEARS GONE WILD
[aka procrastination; we both have midterms tommorow]





Jin in YOUR Mug!

Eve: How big are your titties?
Jinny: I can't believe we are cybering in the library.
Eve: Are you new?
Jinny: I'm new to this...we'll take it slow...my titties are huge. They are like bigger than Mount Rushmore.
Eve: Oh, wow, that's so hot.
Jinny: I know.
Eve: I once climbed Mt. Rushmore...
Jinny: I have birthmarks in the shape of the presidents too on my boobies.
Eve: Oh wow. I just came.
Jinny: Really, I haven't yet. Bummed.
Eve: Yeah, well, I haven't said anything sexy like you have...
Jinny: Oh...tell me about your knockers.
Eve: (Side note: I was going to say I peed myself but I decided it was sexier to say I came)
Jinny: That's hot.
Eve: My knockers are knockin together.
Jinny: Knockin at my door?

Meet Odd Todd
http://www.oddtodd.com/index2.html
[you will get addicted very soon]

PS- We do not know how to make the links directly transferable - apologies to any inconvenience. We promise that the copying and pasting of our recommended links will be greatly beneficial to your lives. Please let us know if you have the answer to this well-hidden 'insert link' secret.

...so long, farewell, auf weidersehen, goodbye

This is how we break it down...

Image from Eve's Psychology book [Caution: Keep Away From Children]=





Do YOU have Jin in YOUR Mug?

-Life is so hard
-Life makes me hard

Just because my stick falls down after 30 seconds doesnt mean that my heart isnt erect when I see you

I think they put Virjinia on my gift certificate because it sounds more American

I look like an elf, but not like a cool Lord of the Rings elf, but like... like an actual Hary Potter house elf.

I have 24/7 vision

-"Jinny, I feel so boy-deprived."
-"Eve, if you had gone to a co-ed school, you would have so many boys who want you. I promise! Well...without counting that whole first month of Smith when you had mono."
-"Oh, man, that girl with mono is so hot!...Oh my god, yeah, I have the hots for that Mono Girl too."
-"Exactly."

GO EAT YOUR COUSCOUS! [ie. shut the fuck up!]

HEAVY, NERDY, and SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED :



-"Eve, I keep feeling like there is some person watching us in the room...but it's the stuffed animal cow."



Our Relationship With 'Flight of the Conchords'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwvEDzsLHc4

-Will someone please, remove these cutleries, from my knees...?

-This is where we break it down oooh this is where we break it down ahhh

-W-w-w-whyyyy exactly?!?!?! WHY?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtfQg4KkR88

-Don't let anyone tell you you're not hump-able.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0

-In the buff being rude doing stuff with the food - getting lude with the food. We heard thats what you are into.

-How about you and two dudes; him, you, and Stew[roommate], in the nude - being lude, with two dudes and the food, well that's if Stew is into it too.

And finally, we leave you with some titties. Walrus-titties.



...so long, farewell, auf weidersehen, goodbye